Yep, I am poisoning my kids…

At least that is what they act like every time I cook and dare to ask them to eat it.  I will be the first to admit that I am not the worlds greatest cook, but I do have some skills.  I have read every article and have taken just about everyone and their mother’s advice on picky eaters and I have one thing to say to that….SUCK IT! 

There are so many different ideas to get your child to eat.  I have put my take on just a few favorites:

1. The “Short Order Cook”.  This is where you stand in the kitchen and open every cabinet, pantry and refrigerator door and ask your children “What would you like to eat tonight dear children?”  I will admit that I have been guilty of this (minus the “dear children” part because If I ever said that my kids would probably be expecting the wire hanger scene from “Mommie Dearest” right after they ate…which now that I think about it might be another tactic to use to get them to eat.   hmm

2. The “Make Them One Thing That They Like To Eat And Present It With The New Items”  Needs no explanation…and if you need one after that sentence then you are worse off than I am and please let me know so I can feel better about myself   Lets see, I have done this quite a few times.  Not once have my children ate the other options…not once!  I am renaming this one “Cook A Chicken Nugget And Then Promptly Put Everything Else In The Dogs Bowl .”

3. The “Children Learn Their Eating Habits From What They See”.  This is the one where it’s all your fault parents.  You have poor eating habits so your children will too. Keith and I may be many things but poor eaters we are not.  Truth be known I will eat a squirrels ass if it’s made right and Keith, well I am pretty sure he has cuz he is more country than me.

4. The “Present A Thing Over And Over”.  Where you just don’t give up.  You present those undesired foods over and over and over again in the hopes that they will cave.  Great. I have been presenting peas for about 4 years now, when in the hell can I stop?  “Jack would you like some peas? No?  I am shocked.  I’ll get ya next week then.  I am sure you will change your mind.”  This kid will be pouring out peas on my grave just to prove a point.  He is not caving!

I keep thinking, what did my mom do?  My sister, brother and I eat everything.  We like new foods we always ate well as children.  What was her secret??  Oh yah I remember….we were scared shitless of her!  Of course we were going to eat.  And if we didn’t we’d be having it for breakfast (“Yes Mommie Dearest”).  My kids do not fear me.  They don’t flinch when I reach over them for something, like we did.  They don’t fear having to stand in the middle of the room hugging their sibling.  They don’t fear me threatening to hold their hands and kiss them in front of their friends.

That doesn’t even work with these kids.  I once heard Clint say “Mom is just jokin us”.  So I guess intimidating I am not.  So what have I learned from all of this?  Not a whole hell of a lot.  What do I do now?  Pretty much 1-4 every night.  I am a creature of habit.  I have to believe that something is going to work.  I have to.  I can’t possibly be serving chicken nuggets and french fries for the next 13 years…right??

Hell the little one ate sand every day by choice (and when we went to other people’s houses as well) which led us to get rid of the sandbox last summer.  There is no way he has discriminating tastes….or any taste at all.

Exhibit A