7 ways to escape your children

With the summer winding down you are probably at the end of your list of ideas for getting some much-needed alone time.  Here are some of the ways I escape:

1) “I have a stomach ache”  What you will need to do is announce this to your husband and then vanish into the bathroom, but you will need to think ahead.  Before this “stomach ache” you will need to stock up your bathroom cabinet.  Fill it with magazines, nail polish,laptop, and wine.  With every knock your response will be “mommy really doesn’t feel good and spray some air freshener.  That should buy you 5 more minutes.

2) “I am out of tampons” Surely you are not married to the fictitious man who would run right out and get them for you and if you are…good on ya.  98% of men will cringe and then you will have to run out and get them yourself.  This may take a while as the 2 stores you went to were out of the ones you wanted (because you have a coupon or some other reason…really doesn’t matter because his eyes will glaze over in disinterest).

3) “I’m doing laundry” This is really the only time when having a second floor laundry comes in handy.  You don’t really have to do laundry but turn the machine on.  The noise will drown out all of those annoying requests like “When will dinner be ready”, “can you help me get my arm out of the chair slat” or “I have been wearing these underwear for 3 days can you wash them?”

4)“Hide and Seek” This is an oldie but goodie.  Always be the one who hides and make it interesting but adding in a 1 mile radius…that should keep em busy.

5) “Scavenger Hunt” This takes a little creativity. Make up a list of random things like a red velvet house shoe,the top sheet to your bed, 1/2 gallon of buttermilk, a pair of woman’s size 2 pants….and then make sure you have none of these items in your house.

6) “I burnt dinner”  This is not a hard task around here.  Simply place any leftover on the grill and turn it on high.  In no time it will be unrecognizable.  You will then have to run out get something….Already having a back up plan like a rotisserie chicken and some veggies from the deli counter.  That will take all of 5 minutes to get but will give you enough time to circle the block 4 times while blasting out your favorite x-rated rap…The Best Of NWA always does the trick for me.

7) “The Gyno Appointment”  Also takes a bit of planning and should be a last resort but comes in handy.  If you have dr. like mine you will be sitting in that office for at least an hour and a half before even being shown a room.  That gives you plenty of time to read magazines, check your Facebook or take a quick nap.  Sure you will have to endure a paper gown, then the dreaded  “shoe horn” followed up by some mundane chit-chat that seems to echo while he is down there but it’s a small price to pay to not hear “mom can you get me this” for the 800th time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys but I think I will love them more than ever on September 6…the first day of school.

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