May 25, 2014

Where you could find the biggest dinning room table ever.  When you ran your fingers under the table cloth you could feel felt and something that seemed like cup holders or something.  It wasn’t until years later you realized it was actually a poker table and you’re left with either 1) it was a great garage sale deal or 2) Grandma’s house was the jump off when it got dark out.  I choose to believe #2

Grandma’s.  Where you were always promised a trip to the corner store , if you rummaged through about 85 purses in her closet for change it even a food stamp.  Always ending up with a Faygo Cream Soda , Boston Baked Beans and Lemonheads.

Grandma’s.  Where you could go when you wanted to run away cuz luckily she only lived across the street.  All you needed to do was yell out “Grandma come cross me!” and you were on the lamb for 3-5 hours.

Grandma’s.  Where there was always an endless supply of those huge yellow legal pads, which were used to draw beautiful pictures of her and Hank (long time boyfriend) sitting on the toilet.  Her reply was always “Well”.

Grandma’s.  Where you would always have to down to the basement any time it even slightly thundered.  She would tell you to sit on the couch and not put your feet on the floor or you would get shocked.  Years later you find out she was just trying to get your crazy asses to sit still by scaring the shit out of you.  Well played Grandma.

Grandma’s.  Where she had one cable channel and it was HBO and it was the first time you seen Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas and also a Donna Summer concert and you could watch them both at least 3 times a day, and you did.  To this day you can recite every word to both.

Grandma’s.  Where you could drink 7 cups of coffee a day, each with 14 teaspoons of sugar, just because.

Grandma’s.  Where the preferred snack was  always cornbread in milk and Grapenuts with 18 teaspoons of sugar being a close second.

Grandma’s.  Where you didn’t mind that your afghan smelled like mothballs.  It just meant that it was kept in the cedar chest, hence it was something special, making you special too.

Grandma’s.  Where you could find a shotgun either by her bedroom window or under her bed.  You knew never to touch it, or even gave it a thought.  You knew it was used to keep anyone from trying to mess with her Cadillac or for that annoying family member who sometimes liked to act a fool and needed to be reminded he could meet Jesus today.

Grandma’s.  Where you could always find a sock filled with pennies by the door.  It was Detroit and you never walk out without some “insurance”.

Grandma’s.  Where her house was like a big ole store, except you didn’t have to pay for a thing  All you had to say was something was nice and magically it became yours.

Grandma’s.  Where she could predict the gender of your child by the size of your butt.

Grandma’s.  Where you share meals that always end in laughs and inappriate conversations at Bob Evan’s.

Grandma’s.  Where you now took your babies to and she shooshes you for telling them no….because they can do and have anything they want at GG’s house.

Grandma’s.  Where you help do laundry, dishes and vaccuming because she did so much for you and it was the least you could do for her.

Grandma’s  Where you pick her up for doctor appointments and hep pick up prescriptions, always ending in a trip to Kroger’s where she could get her favorite ice cream.

Grandma’s.  Where you rush to when she has to go to the hospital and you help do things for her that you know she did for you when you could not.

Grandma’s.  Where you help set out pills so they don’t get confused.

Grandma’s.  Where you pack up a lifetime of memories and cry as people stop by with their memories and stories of this sweet, sweet woman who help shaped the person you are now.

Grandma’s.  Where you feel the most love, and pain and it beats every day with the sweetest memories you can ever imagine.  You’re in the chocolate factory and you won the ticket.  You got to be a part of the most precious person to you and now she lives on, in your heat.








March 3, 2014

I know vulgar but it is exactly how I felt when I took 3 of these to be sure the summer of 2012.  My husband and I planned our two oldest, who are now 7 & 9.  There was not much “trying” involved either.  It just happened.  Which makes everything now seem so ridiculous that we thought it wouldn’t just happen again.  We were enjoying life, getting in shape and most importantly enjoying our freedom and time together. The boys were older and needing us less which made this time even more precious to us, because you see, we like each other.  So like an after school special I took a pregnancy test and threw myself on the bed in tears at the results.  Shock doesn’t even begin to express my feelings.  My husband was the same.  How did this happen?  It was a sentiment that we would say (and still do) over and over through the whole pregnancy and even on the way to the hospital on delivery day.

You might be thinking, what were you doing (or using) to not get pregnant? My answer is, not a damn thing.  That’s right.  Two pretty smart people who used the #1 method that you are told in 7th grade health class DOES NOT work.  Why, you ask?  Because it was working for 6 years and why wouldn’t it keep on?  During this time we both spoke out to anyone who listened how “we are done!” and “two is enough”.  While he was preaching to someone at work about “how do you even accidentally get pregnant” and I was making fun of a friend on Facebook about her “accidental” 3rd child, we got knocked up. No one believed us initially when we told them.  We still don’t.  It’s crazy.  It was not our plan.  Going backwards is not what is supposed to happen.  I spent very little time letting myself look forward to this new baby.  I had two perfect guys, who I loved so much.  How could I possibly do this again?  I didn’t want to.  Mostly for selfish reasons.  I was in the best stage in my marriage, my kids were in school full-time and doing their own thing.  And it was them that I really worried about.  They weren’t much for babies. They were great with each other.  My youngest at the time was 6 and still sat in my to cuddle. How would they adjust to their world being turned upside down too? So like the Make A Wish people we took our kids on a water park vacation to break the news to them.

The day came and I looked at my husband on the drive and said “I can’t fucking believe this”.  We laughed and I peed a little from doing so. Weak bladder. I got hooked up and wheeled down. My husband walked in and I got calm.  It seemed like forever but there he was. I could hear his scream.  They brought him to us pretty quickly and laid him on my chest.  He was so calm. My heart-felt like it could explode.  How in the hell did we do this?  He’s perfect.


They wheel me into recovery where it seemed like 20 family members were waiting to get a peek.  His brothers came in and that is when I knew. They were so excited.  They didn’t want to let him go.  I watch them over the next few months  beam even though he was crying with colic and try to soothe him with a silly face or a soft word.  I watched my crazy boys be so gentle, and helpful.  I seen them do things that I did not know they were capable of.  They are the best part of this little oops.  Watching all 3 of my boys being…brothers.


So I am tired and don’t get out as much as I use to but that gets better every day.  I have forgotten about the terror I felt when I seen that third test say positive.  On Saturday this guy will turn 1.  What a year. I can’t believe how much our world has been flipped upside down and how we really didn’t know he was the missing piece to our puzzle.  When he is older and asks about how he came to be I will tell him quite frankly, “You are the product of your dad’s and my own stupidity and our total inability to keep our hands off each other and you were made in the best way possible, with so much love”.

Happy Birthday Waylon Montgomery!



February 24, 2014

I can’t tell you the last time my husband and I had an actual vacation. I am not sure if we ever have.  We have taken trips. Our honeymoon was more like a quick trip. Now and days the kids rule where we go and for how long. It’s ok, but it is not a vacation.  For example, this weekend we went to a rather large waterpark for 3 days. We had a very nice room with a kitchen so I could cook and clean up (wouldn’t want mom to get confused on what needs to be going down).  We go down to the waterpark and immediately try to come up with a plan so neither of us get stuck for too long with the 11 month old, who on day one treats the water as if it is acid.  My husband and I spend hours trying to convince the older two to go on the amazing slides and rides they have there, when really it is us who want to ride them, but they refuse.  The wave pool, and lazy river and then the hot tub, where we each take turns taking them in so the other can hold unAqua Man. We go back to the room and try to convince baby to sleep in this contraption that looks like a little cage and of course he refuses and instead will just yell in your face while you hold him and enjoy your sandwich.  Bedtime is the best part.  You have a wonderful king size bed with a door to close so you don’t have to hear the other two sleeping on a full sized pull out bed.  Baby Godzilla finally falls out and you guzzle down two beers and scarf down some pizza.  Decide to tip toe your way into the room and fall out for ten minutes.  Godzilla wakes, and wakes, and wakes and wakes all night.  Find your husband in between your older two boys in the tiny full sized pull out and feel super bad and send him into the room to sleep for a while so you and Godzilla can eat breakfast at 6 am.  Day two, repeat.  I think you know what I am saying here.  It’s not a vacation.  Actually reading this it seems like torture, I know.  But guess what?  We’ll do it again, and again.  it’s what we do.  There are few things that my husband and I get to do alone these days and that is ok because guess what happens when we do?  We end up with another kid 🙂 So when I lean over and thank him for the weekend I mean it.  I have had 4 hours of sleep maybe but my kids got great memories and I have many years to take that vacation we’ve always dreamed of. The one where we sit on the beach, with a drink in hand and laugh at every couple that has a kid with them.  CAN”T WAIT!!  For now I’ve got the second season of House of Cards, a beer and the best damn husband money can buy to sit on the couch with.

house of cardsbeer

Yep no cable

February 21, 2014

I have had quite a few people ask us about this so I figured I would share.  In 2006 I became a stay at home mom.  Kid #2 was here and I had quit a full-time job to stay home with my boys.  Well let me rephrase, I quit my job because with daycare costs for two I would be bringing home a cool $2.50 per hour, and no I didn’t bring in tips. If I did I would have been arrested, working in accounting an all. So some things would have to go.  One of the firsts was the cable.  GASP.  It’s really common now but at the time I would have never “outed” myself.  I watched a story on Good Morning America about a couple who upgraded their computer and ran it through their t.v.  Seemed pretty easy, and it was. We did exactly that.  We got a better computer and my husband hooked it all up.  After a year the computer paid for itself in what we saved in the monthly $140 cable bill we had.

Now I have to say if you or someone in your family is a sports nut it may take a little digging to find things and if you are a die-hard Game of Thrones fan (like I am) you will have to prepare yourself to wait until things become available online or in a video store. What we do is find things that we like on Netflix.  You can find tons of series on there and usually the newest season can be rented. As for my kids, they really don’t know the difference.  They can find what they want online anytime.  Do they need 55 kids channels?  No.  They watched only PBS cartoons for 5 years. They will still watch Arthur. They don’t have a clue who the Kardashian’s are, and I am fine with that. I find that we don’t just click mindlessly, because we only have like 6 channels.  We have to search for what we want to and it’s makes for more quality programing.  Although I have been known to power watch that show about the Gypsy ladies.  Those chicks scare the shit out of me. Yes we could get cable again but at this point it just seems silly to me.  I have a feeling that cable will not exist in the near future.

Here is our set up.  We got the antenna from Target and it was $20.  I know it doesn’t look fancy but I get not one but three PBS channels.  Jealous? I know we could make it look prettier but I have 3 kids.  For Gods sake my decor includes a light up Buddha from the Salvation Army.


Oven Fried Chicken

February 20, 2014

I am constantly looking for different ways to make chicken.  It gets boring real quick!  The one thing I have found that legs and thighs are very inexpensive and also delicious.  I bought this pack of 12 drumsticks for $4.25.  I marinated them in sriracha chili sauce overnight, but you could do it for an hour if you are in a hurry.  Preheat your oven to 450.  take 1/2 cup of flour and put it in a ziplock type gallon bag.  Add in any spices you like.  I used a little pepper, salt, poultry seasoning, curry powder and paprika.  About 1/2 teaspoon of each.  While you are waiting for the oven to heat add about 1/4- 1/2 cup of butter to a foil lined baking dish.  Toss a few legs in and coat.  Place them in the pan.  Cook uncovered for 30 mins and then turn and cook on the other side for additional 15-20mins.  Comes out crispy and wonderful!



February 20, 2014

I have some friends who are going through or have gone through it .  It aint easy, I know. I just wanted to share something with you.  Many, many, many years ago my parents were divorced.  Details are not important but they divorced.  My mom never talked bad about our dad in front of us.  She let us form our own opinions.  She never kept us from him, or his family.  I know at times it had to be tough on her. She remarried many years later and I have step-brothers and sisters.  Don’t say that word in front of her because they are all her kids. Flash forward many more years and my dad’s family finds us via facebook.  Wanting nothing more than to be a part of our lives. What does my mom do?  She makes facebook friends.  She posts warm messages and receives the same.  I can tell you there is nothing better than opening up facebook and seeing my mom post something to my aunt’s (dad’s sister) wall or commenting on a post of hers.  If facebook were around back then I am sure this reunion would of not taken so long. So I guess I am just saying I know its rough.  Feelings are so raw.  Leave your kids out of it though.  Be an adult. We use facebook to vent and bash but remember those words will always be there.  Your kids will see them.  What you say and do will form their opinions of their mother or father. Leave that to them.  They are smarter than you think!


7 ways to escape your children

August 17, 2011

With the summer winding down you are probably at the end of your list of ideas for getting some much-needed alone time.  Here are some of the ways I escape:

1) “I have a stomach ache”  What you will need to do is announce this to your husband and then vanish into the bathroom, but you will need to think ahead.  Before this “stomach ache” you will need to stock up your bathroom cabinet.  Fill it with magazines, nail polish,laptop, and wine.  With every knock your response will be “mommy really doesn’t feel good and spray some air freshener.  That should buy you 5 more minutes.

2) “I am out of tampons” Surely you are not married to the fictitious man who would run right out and get them for you and if you are…good on ya.  98% of men will cringe and then you will have to run out and get them yourself.  This may take a while as the 2 stores you went to were out of the ones you wanted (because you have a coupon or some other reason…really doesn’t matter because his eyes will glaze over in disinterest).

3) “I’m doing laundry” This is really the only time when having a second floor laundry comes in handy.  You don’t really have to do laundry but turn the machine on.  The noise will drown out all of those annoying requests like “When will dinner be ready”, “can you help me get my arm out of the chair slat” or “I have been wearing these underwear for 3 days can you wash them?”

4)“Hide and Seek” This is an oldie but goodie.  Always be the one who hides and make it interesting but adding in a 1 mile radius…that should keep em busy.

5) “Scavenger Hunt” This takes a little creativity. Make up a list of random things like a red velvet house shoe,the top sheet to your bed, 1/2 gallon of buttermilk, a pair of woman’s size 2 pants….and then make sure you have none of these items in your house.

6) “I burnt dinner”  This is not a hard task around here.  Simply place any leftover on the grill and turn it on high.  In no time it will be unrecognizable.  You will then have to run out get something….Already having a back up plan like a rotisserie chicken and some veggies from the deli counter.  That will take all of 5 minutes to get but will give you enough time to circle the block 4 times while blasting out your favorite x-rated rap…The Best Of NWA always does the trick for me.

7) “The Gyno Appointment”  Also takes a bit of planning and should be a last resort but comes in handy.  If you have dr. like mine you will be sitting in that office for at least an hour and a half before even being shown a room.  That gives you plenty of time to read magazines, check your Facebook or take a quick nap.  Sure you will have to endure a paper gown, then the dreaded  “shoe horn” followed up by some mundane chit-chat that seems to echo while he is down there but it’s a small price to pay to not hear “mom can you get me this” for the 800th time.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys but I think I will love them more than ever on September 6…the first day of school.

Happy Mother’s Day

May 6, 2011

There are things that people don’t tell you will happen to your body when your pregnant and after you have your kids.  I can remember feeling pretty damn good about myself about 6 months into my pregnancy with #1.  One day in particular I had just got out of the shower and was slathering on my cocoa butter (what a joke) while looking at my naked self in the mirror.  Not too bad, I thought.  Then I turned around to get a look at my back-end.  Big mistake.  I dropped my Palmer’s lotion and ran crying to Keith.  “Did you see these???”  He laughed.  It looked like a cat had taken its claws, started at my crack and scratched outwards to the sides of my cheeks.  Stretch marks.  Some how my belly, boobs and hips had been spared but my huge ass, not so much.  What no one told me though is that they fade and become a crazy iridescent color that can only be seen now with a black light. 

There are not many things that I have ever felt like I could do well.  I had an alright job and made alright money but nothing too spectacular (besides marrying Keith!).  It wasn’t until I had Clint (and Jack was 23 months) old that I felt it.  It’s hard to explain but the scene in Coal Miner’s Daughter when DoLittle says to Lorrettey (after having their 5th child) “I think we finally found something you know how to do girl” is what I felt like.

Don’t get me wrong.  It is not easy.  In fact it’s crazy hard a lot of the time.  The only thing I can point to that has kept me from pulling  “A Marie Osmond” (getting in my car and just driving off) is humor.  There is no way you’re going to make it unless you are willing to laugh at yourself and your crazy kids.  I think that came from my mom.  I have come to realize that my mom spent most of our childhood f-ing with us.  I would ask her why I had a cast on my leg when I was a baby and she would say in a really straight face “that’s because I threw you up in the air and forgot to catch you” or tell us wonderful stories about how she adopted us from aliens.  While frightening at the time I can see how hilarious it must have been for her.  Seriously, staying home all day with kids can make you lose your shit, so I am not mad at the threats of being stripped naked and put on the porch for everyone to see (this is actually something that she did to her little sister) or the one where you say “mom I am hungry” and then she says “I am mommy nice to meet you hungry” or

Me: “what are we having for dinner?

Mom: “food”

Me: “what kind”.

Mom: “the kind you eat”

and this could go for at least 30 minutes.  While aggravating as hell I can’t help but do the same things to my kids.  Yes it makes them crazy but is pretty damn funny.  I have even come up with my own.

Clint: “I want a popsicle for dinner”

Me: “Well I want my body from 1994 back but that’s not going to happen either”

I guess one of the best things my mom could have handed down to me was her humor.  There were times in our life when most people would have given up completely but my mom had the “scratch your ass and get glad” type of attitude that I think saved us.  So I am thanking you mom for telling me to eat all of my greens because “it’ll make your babies born naked”.  Imagine my shock when Jack did not come out with a turtleneck and corduroy pants on.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Dangles and such

April 8, 2011

There are some parents out there that say “I teach my child to use the proper names for their body parts” .  That is fine and good but you are just sucking the fun out of small things like this that they will carry on until they have kids.  A legacy of some sorts.  When I hear “vagina” I am waiting for a speculum to come at me.  When I hear the word penis I think of the back seat of an Omni Horizon…but that is a different story.

For my kids I did not get to decide what they were going to call it.  Sis did and I seriously could not think of a better word.  “Dangle”.  It’s now a part of our everyday vocabulary just as “please” and “thank you” are (ok that is a stretch ). I never knew how much trouble these “dangles” would cause.  I have had a couple of experiences with some “dangles” in my past but after having kids I realized that I knew nothing.

First off “dangles” do strange things.  One day while driving my oldest started to cry “My dangle hurts, my dangle hurts”.  Thinking that I had some how pinched it when putting his car seat belt on I pulled over immediately.  I jumped out and started to take his belt off and soon discovered what the “hurt” was.  I did what every mom would do…I called my husband.  How do you explain to a 3-year-old what is going on?  This is how “It will go away in a minute”. I know, pretty stellar advice from someone who has no idea what a “hard on” (and no I am not using erection) feels like to a 3-year-old.  So I spent the next few minutes apologizing for the “hurt” and after a few minutes it went away.  This was with child #1 and never did he really mention it much after that.  He dealt with it.  Child #2… not so easy.  At 4 1/2 I am still dealing with the cries and he says “I have a chubby and it won’t go down”.  He does not care where we are either.  While visiting in-laws we went to church with them (not a place they have been very often) and while the pastor was in the middle of a heated sermon about the devil (hardcore Baptist church)  my son announces to me “I have a chubby and devils aren’t  real”.  Ugh.  For his sake I hope not.

No one told me that when my child is potty trained that the excitement of finally being done with diapers would soon turn into dread.  Why you ask?  Well “dangles” seem to have a mind of their own when it comes time to pee.  Never did I think I would have replace a sink vanity cabinet because my children’s (and I have not ruled Keith out either) urine would warp it and make it crumble like acid had been poured on it.  I am convinced that no one actually pees in the toilet unless I am standing right there.  I have gotten into the shower and found puddles (I am  not opposed to peeing in the shower but only when you are in it and the water is running for it to drain).  This has to take several steps like opening the shower door and leaning over to do it.  I have found puddles in the bathroom garbage can, behind the actual toilet and I am pretty sure that someone has used the linen closet floor at one time because it really doesn’t smell right sometimes.  The best is when someone peed on the roll of toilet paper (which would take turning around completely to do).  Am I raising heathens?  Nope just boys.  I observed, when they are not watching, what they do in there.  The little one likes to scratch his butt and look around at the same time which means that it goes in whatever direction he is looking at the time.  The older one is a sport pee-er.  He has made peeing into a sport in which he needs to see where he can put it and have far he can aim it.  Boy do I wish we would have just taught them to sit!  Needless to say I spend a lot of time with bleach and on the bright side it is burning out my sense of smell completely.

These “dangles” are fascinating and everyday I learn something new everyday, whether I want to or not.  Without them (or it) I would not be here.  So as much as I have to clean up after them and be totally embarrassed by them, I tip my hat to them.  And when one day my sweet little grandson runs up to me and says “Super Grand” (cuz that’s what they’ll call me) “my dangle hurts” a tear of pride will well up in my eyes and I will say “call your dad, he will know what to do with that”.

Talent Show

March 10, 2011

It wasn’t until about 8 years ago, when I was retelling a heart warming story about a creepy old neighbor that gave me nectarines and in exchange I would sit on his lap, that I realized that my childhood was a little different from others.

I was born and raised in Detroit (shout out to Mexican Town and Clark Street!).  When I was about 8 we moved to Sterling Heights.  Just imagine going from Detroit Public School to the highly acclaimed (at the time) Utica Community Schools.  We went from everyone got free lunch to “what do you mean you have to pay for milk?”  A culture shock to say the least.  I can remember just feeling so out-of-place immediately.  I made friends no problem but they all seemed pretty foreign to me.  I thought a good ice breaker would be to show some of the girls one of those hand clapping games “Rockin Robin”.  It went well…that is until you get to the part where you say “eat my meat”.  Oh you don’t know that part?  Well it was the only version I knew so when the teacher tried to explain to me that it was “tweet, tweet, tweet” I stared at her blankly like she was making it up. 

Still wanting to fit in I  thought my big chance would be the school talent show.  You would have to try out in front of the class and they would vote to see if you got in.  Perfect!  Not only was I going to win over the whole school but also have everyone’s attention??  Oh yes this was going to be my shining moment.

It was a no brainer that I would dance because, even though I had never been formally trained, I was just damn good at it….at least that was what I had built up in my head.  If you watch The Middle then I was more along the lines of “Sue Heck”.  When it came to the music there was no other choice, it had to be Donna Summer.  You see my uncle Tommy was (and I belive still is) the president of her fan club.  She was like family practically.  I mean she sent him a painting of herself with real gold on it!  She has so many hits that it was kinda hard to nail it down.  When it came down to it though it was the every popular “Cats Without Claws”.  Don’t know it?  You can imagine my shock when the other 9 year olds did not know it either. It was so perfect because at that same time I had a bathing suit with a cats face on it with bedazzled eyes.  I would wear this bathing suit during my performance.

The next thing to do was to create a routine, right?  Oh no not me.  Why would I do that?  I knew the song and I was just going to go with what I felt.  Great plan.  The tryout day came along and I couldn’t have been more excited.  My super talented little brother was also trying out in his classroom and was sure to shut it down too.  The whole class gathered in the music room.  I started changing into my outfit in the bathroom.  As I was changing I was faced with a dilemma.  I could do decide whether to wear my underwear with my bathing suit or not.  It just did not seem appropriate to go without them.  I mean I was planning on some crazy good moves and it would just be embarrassing if something were to fall out.  So I put on my full coverage  undies and my “Cats Without Claws” bathing suit.

Walking in I was still super confident.  The teacher put on the music and I started to go.  As I started “dancing” around I realized that nothing was really flowing.  I felt lost.  The moves just were not coming to me as they did in the comfort of my bedroom.  I tried everything.   It was in that moment when I started to focus on the faces of my fellow classmates who just looked super confused. I tried to shrug it off and just kept going.  As I did a toe pointing with a turn and then some arm windmills and then I noticed a boy pointing, then another, and another.  I looked down and to my surprise my undies that I had crammed up under my suit were starting to fall down.  I tried to push them back up there (all the while still dancing)  but I was just making it worse.  They were now completely hanging out.  Now the whole class was pointing.  To make matters worse my sister and a friend came into the room and started to point and laugh too (THANKS SIS!).  Finally the music stopped and I was able to gather my Donna Summer tape and quickly run from the room.

Even though it was a disaster I was still sure that I was going to win because I was cool and my friends for sure were all going to vote for me right??  Little did a know that while I was changing a little adorable Asian girl from my class was bringing my class to their feet.  As I walked in there she was, she was sitting on the floor with a little plug-in organ.  She was genius.  My heart sank. Needless to say she was the 4th grade representation for the show.

So you might be thinking now is how did my brother do?  My brother was (and still is) a musical phenom.  He was such a music lover that a neighbor (who was also a Detroit cop) seen something in him and gave him a guitar that she had.  This was a very special guitar.  It had a pot leaf on it.  It was not a painting of a pot leaf but an actual pot leaf that had somehow been etched into the guitar.  My brother practiced like mad with that thing and became pretty damn good.  Oh did I mention that this guitar did not have strings?  That was not matter to my brother because he could make the guitar sounds. Of course that would be what he would do for his fellow 2nd graders.  Armed with his pot leaf guitar he walked down the hall to his class.  Though I never did get to see the performance it has become somewhat of a legend.  He preformed “The Eye Of The Tiger” not just making the guitar sounds but also singing the song as well.  I tear up just thinking about it.

That year was a big one in our household.  Although there was no Short representation that year in the Burr talent show we became a part of the schools folklore and also provided my family with many laughs (although it took about 20 years for anyone in my family to even bring it up for fear of me stabbing one of them with a fork).  I never really did ever feel like I fit in at Burr.  In 6th grade we made another move.  It was to South Warren.  About a mile from the famous 8 Mile and home to Eminem (also went to the same school as he and no I did not know of him and anyone that says they did is lying).  It did take a year or so to become acclimated.  I showed up with my hair puffed and hairsprayed and my pants penny rolled.  These girls looked tough.  The years at Burr had softened me.  I had to idea that what I should have done was tell them where I was from originally and capitalized on being the girl from Detroit.  That all didn’t matter because by the end of the school year I was brought down (or some would say beat down) a notch and became what you all know now as one bad ass bitch (think Sue Heck at 34).

I guess their is no real moral to this story.  It’s just a tiny snippet of my life growing up.  You may think “what kind of mother lets there children do these things?”  It’s the kind of mom that told her kids that they could do anything and be anything.  It’s the kind of mother that may of not had much to give to us but gave us the best thing ever …confidence.  It the kind of mother that I hope I am for my kids.  So when Clint says that he can fly I tell him that he can, and when he breaks his leg  I am blaming that shit on my mom.